Sex in Sports

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

From Tiger, to Ben, and now Lawrence Taylor, I can not comprehend why so many athletes are so stupid about sex.

From the days of Magic Johnson getting AIDS, to the Mike Tyson rape, to the Duke Lacrosse sex scandal, the pitfalls of sex have brought down more athletes than the amount of characters killed off in Tuesday's episode of Lost (three more to go; starting to get sad).

Listen, it's not easy for an athlete to not have sex because it is so easy for an athlete to get girls. I mean hell, I bet even Brian Scalabrine has groupies waiting for him in his hotel room every night. Sex surrounds sports; that's the reality.

But there are three simple rules about sex that athletes should follow to avoid the cover of Us Weekly or People Magazine:

1. Make sure it's consensual. Oh, Ben Roethlisberger! You're an NFL quarterback, there are plenty of girls who would consent to having sex with you. Raping some girl in a Georgia bar is not what you should be doing.
2. Make sure she's 18. Lawrence Taylor! Reading about the things that you did today, just flat out disgusted me. You were never a very good person but sex with a 16-year-old, whether it was consensual or not...I'm speechless.
3. Don't get married if you can't keep it in your pants. Tiger Woods! Period.

Every single athlete in the world should take a page out of the Derek Jeter handbook. Arguably the best girl-getting athlete since Wilt, DJ has managed to get with nearly every hot girl in America all without having a single negative thing written about him. Click here for a list of girls Derek's gotten with. Simply unbelievable. Jeter has played by the rules, gotten "it" all out of his system, and at the age of 35 is finally settling down with the gorgeous Minka Kelly. Derek Jeter didn't only conquer baseball in New York, he conquered sex in sports, with style.

The scary thing about sex in sports is that many athletes break the three rules, take some heat for it, and then simply move on like nothing happened.

The number one selling NBA jersey this year was Kobe Bryant's. Just seven years ago, Kobe was accused of raping a 19-year-old girl but now no one seems to care. Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington and went to jail from 1991 to 1995, now he's drawing laughs in blockbuster comedies like The Hangover. Tiger Woods is already winning fans back and time will tell if Ben and LT can regain their images.

Temptations are abundant for many athletes; some are smart about it while some are not. Ben Roethlisberger is an idiot. He's like the guy in the frat who always has one too many drinks, but it stops being funny after awhile. Tiger Woods just lost his mind. And Lawrence Taylor, oh boy, simply sick. I am disgusted with what Lawrence Taylor has been accused of doing and as a die-hard Giants fan and someone who's talked about the greatness of LT all my life, I almost feel ashamed.

Baseball has steroids, football has head injuries, basketball has refs that bet on games. All sports have sex and many athletes simply can't handle the heat. I could make a couple really inappropriate jokes to end this column but I'll just let you use your imagination...